After 50 Years:

The wife approaches her husband, wearing the same, sexy little negligee she wore on their wedding night. She looks at her husband and says, "Honey, do you remember this?"

He looks up at her and replies, "Yes dear, i do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married."

"That's right," she says. "And do you remember what you said to me that night?"

He nods and says, "Yes dear, I still remember."

"Well, what was it?"

"Well honey, as I recall it, I had said, "Ohhhhhh, baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those big tits ans screw your brains out!"

She giggles, "Yes, that was it. That was exactly what you said. Now it's 50 years later and I/m in the same negligee I wore that night. What do you have to say tonight?

He looks her up and down and says, "Mission accomplished."

Multi-Purpose Laptops:

Introducing for the very first time!!!

A whole new range of limited edition multi-purpose laptops !!!

Bet you want one today !!!

Hah! And you thought you can use a laptop for only one thing !!!

Must Be A Lawyer:

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:

Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: Did you check for breathing?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead were you?

Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible that he could be out there practicing law.

If I Die:

WIFE: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

HUSBAND: Definitely not!

WIFE: Why not - don't you like being married?

HUSBAND: Of course I do.

WIFE: Then why wouldn't you remarry?

HUSBAND: Okay, I'd get married again.

WIFE: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).

WIFE: Would you live in our house?

HUSBAND: Sure, it's a great house.

WIFE: Would you sleep with her in our bed?

HUSBAND: Where else would we sleep?

WIFE: Would you let her drive my car?

HUSBAND: Probably, it is almost new.

WIFE: Would you replace my pictures with hers?

HUSBAND: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

WIFE: Would she use my golf clubs?

HUSBAND: No, she's left-handed.

WIFE: - silence - -

HUSBAND: F**k!!!!!!!!!

Murphy's Technology Laws:

Murphy's Technology Law #1 -- You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

Murphy's Technology Law #2 -- Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

Murphy's Technology Law #3 -- Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.

Murphy's Technology Law #4 -- If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

Murphy's Technology Law #5 -- All great discoveries are made by mistake.

Murphy's Technology Law #6 -- Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

Murphy's Technology Law #7 -- All's well that ends... period.

Murphy's Technology Law #8 -- A meeting is an event at which minutes are kept and hours are lost.

Murphy's Technology Law #9 -- The first myth of management is that it exists.

Murphy's Technology Law #10 -- A failure will not appear until a unit has passed final inspection.

Murphy's Technology Law #11 -- New systems generate new problems.

Murphy's Technology Law #12 -- Any given program, when running, is obsolete.

Murphy's Technology Law #13 -- A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.

Only In Russia:

Sun Bathing:

Agriculture:

Officers On Duty:

Employment:

Auto & Transport:

Housing: