Ferrari For Collateral:
This is not a story but a true incident that happened in USA.
An Indian man walked into a bank in New York City one day and asked for the loan officer.
He told the loan officer that he was going to India on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan. The Indian man handed over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produced the title and everything checked out.
The loan officer agreed to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Indian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parked it there.
Two weeks later, the Indian returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest, which came to $15.41.
The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow "$5,000".
The Indian replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return'"
Posted by - Anitha VN
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Of Married Men And Their Wives:
1. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
2. My wife and I were very happy for twenty years. Then we met.
3. A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
4. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
5. Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
6. A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine".
7. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
8. Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
9. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
10. If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
11. It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
12. How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
13. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
1. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
2. My wife and I were very happy for twenty years. Then we met.
3. A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
4. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
5. Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
6. A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine".
7. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
8. Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
9. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
10. If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
11. It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
12. How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
13. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
If Microsoft Made Cars:
At a computer expo Bill Gates compared the computer industry to the automotive industry by stating:
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving cars that cost $25.00 and get 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bills comment, General Motors issued a press release making the following statement:
"If we (GM) had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1) For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice per day.
2) Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3) Your car would occasionally stop on the freeway without reason. In order to get started again, you would have to pull off to the side of the road; close all the windows shut off the car restart it and open all the windows again. For some unknown reason, you would simply do this without question.
4) Occasionally, executing a maneuver, such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5) Only one person could use the car at one time unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT", but then you would also have to buy more seats.
6) The new seats you would need would force everyone to have the same size butt.
7) You would press the "start" button to shut off the engine.
8) The oil warning light, water warning light, and alternator warning light would all be replaced by a single "Unidentified System Error" light.
9) The air bag would ask your freshly mangled body, “are you sure" before going off.
10) Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you back in until you simultaneously lifted the driver side door handle, turned the key, and grabbed the radio antenna.
11) The radio antenna would be internally mounted on the passenger side of the car.
12) Buying a new car would force you to also purchase a new set of Deluxe Rand McNally road maps, despite the fact that you neither need nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause your cars performance to diminish by 50% or more.
13) Every time GM introduced a new car, people would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the old controls would function in the new car.
14) Macintosh would make a car that was five times faster, ten times more reliable and easier to maintain, twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads."
At a computer expo Bill Gates compared the computer industry to the automotive industry by stating:
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving cars that cost $25.00 and get 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bills comment, General Motors issued a press release making the following statement:
"If we (GM) had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1) For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice per day.
2) Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3) Your car would occasionally stop on the freeway without reason. In order to get started again, you would have to pull off to the side of the road; close all the windows shut off the car restart it and open all the windows again. For some unknown reason, you would simply do this without question.
4) Occasionally, executing a maneuver, such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5) Only one person could use the car at one time unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT", but then you would also have to buy more seats.
6) The new seats you would need would force everyone to have the same size butt.
7) You would press the "start" button to shut off the engine.
8) The oil warning light, water warning light, and alternator warning light would all be replaced by a single "Unidentified System Error" light.
9) The air bag would ask your freshly mangled body, “are you sure" before going off.
10) Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you back in until you simultaneously lifted the driver side door handle, turned the key, and grabbed the radio antenna.
11) The radio antenna would be internally mounted on the passenger side of the car.
12) Buying a new car would force you to also purchase a new set of Deluxe Rand McNally road maps, despite the fact that you neither need nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause your cars performance to diminish by 50% or more.
13) Every time GM introduced a new car, people would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the old controls would function in the new car.
14) Macintosh would make a car that was five times faster, ten times more reliable and easier to maintain, twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads."
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Middle-Aged Women Complaining About Sex:
Here is an absolutely hilarious article I came across about women complaining about sex.
Don't know about who has written it but is really very funny.
Here is an absolutely hilarious article I came across about women complaining about sex.
Don't know about who has written it but is really very funny.
RANT: Middle-Aged Women complaining about sex!
Date: 2007-02-14, 11:44AM CST
I am sooooo f'ing tired about middle-aged women who complain about sex! First off, as a guy, we have so much pressure on us to perform it's unreal! Can I get a "hard on"? How long can I last? Can I make her orgasm SEVERAL times? Can I stay awake afterwards?!!!!! WTF!!! Do you women realize the enormous amount of work needed to have sex at 40?!!!!!
Let's go back to our teenage years WHEN I COULDN'T KEEP MY HANDS OFF OF YOU!!! Recall when I wanted to have sex in the stairway, at the bus stop, during gym under the bleachers, after school before my parents got home, in the parked car, and even climb through your window at night while your parents were asleep?!!!! AND THAT WAS ALL IN ONE DAY!!! Hell, I could last for hours, shoot my load, and be ready to go again in 15 minutes!!! But what did I hear from you, a young, demure, selfish, cock tease?!!! "No...wait till tomorrow.", "Let's just cuddle.", "The cat is watching.", and the classic "Is that all you think I'm good for?"!!!!!
Well ladies, the shoe is on the other foot and guess what? I'm tired!!! I'm tired from sheer exhaustion of chasing your cock teasing ass for the last 25 years!!!! Constantly, going home with "blue balls" and "whacking off" because you want me to "respect you in the morning"!!!! Well guess what years of cock abuse has done to my sex drive?!!!!
Yes ladies, it's your fault I have no interest in sex! Not getting any and whacking off to porn for 25 years has desensitized my nerve endings to the point that I feel nothing from my navel to my knees!!!! Fantasizing about every possible way of f'ing your brains out has distorted reality for me!!! You, walking in with nothing on under a fur coat pales in comparison to me fantasizing about you rimming my ass while I fuck your sister in front of 18,000 adoring fans at the
It's your fault for teasing away the most potent years of my life. You should have taken advantage of my erections from your cat jumping on my crotch when you had the chance, but nooooooo!!!! You wanted to babysit your neice and "pretend" we were a family!!!!
Now, in the height of your sex drive, you want muah to pin your legs behind your ears after a long day at work, and give it to you for more than 10 minutes a month?!!!!! PUH-LEASE!!!! Nope! You see...now you will suffer the same inglorious defeat I experienced many moons ago. So....go to 'The Exotic Emporium', get yourself a multi-speed, gyrating, flesh feeling, thingamabob, a handful of Peter North dvds, and come up with creative ways to sneak around the house and have yourself a little "Par-tay"!!!! Otherwise, be prepared to wine me, dine me, take me golfing, and stroke my little ego until I'M IN THE MOOD!!!
And...don't give me that crap about going out and getting some "young, dumb, and full of cum" kid. I'll divorce your ass so fast your fallopians will get twisted!!! AND afterward, I will get the chance to re-live those glory years with some young, nubile, tight bodied, coed looking for a sugar daddy! (Even if it is once a month!) Better than thinking of her while trying to have sex with your old, sagging, "has-been" ass!!!
So, the next time you think about making some smart ass remark like, "Mr. 5 minute man.", or "I didn't even get started." just remember that 25 years of neglect is the reason why Mr. Willie doesn't get excited to see you anymore!!!!
Sunday, September 23, 2007
What People Say In An Interview And What They Actually Mean:
"I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL SITUATIONS:"
I'm usually on Prozac. When I'm not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.
"I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON MY STRONG COMMUNICATION & ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS:"
I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do.
"I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:"
I've used Microsoft Office.
"I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE:"
I pilfer office supplies.
"MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:"
I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.
"I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:"
I blame others for my mistakes.
"I'M BALANCED AND CENTERED:"
I'll keep crystals at my desk and do Tai Chi in the lunch room.
"I HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR:"
I know a lot of corny, old jokes and I tell them badly.
"I'M PERSONABLE:"
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.
"I'M WILLING TO RELOCATE:"
As I leave San Quentin, anywhere's better.
"I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:"
I carry a Day-Timer.
"MY BACKGROUND AND SKILLS MATCH YOUR REQUIREMENTS:"
You're probably looking for someone more experienced.
"I AM ADAPTABLE:"
I've changed jobs a lot.
"I AM ON THE GO:"
I'm never at my desk.
"I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED:"
The minute I find a better job. I'm outta there.
"I HAVE FORMAL TRAINING:"
I'm a college drop-out.
"I INTERACT WELL WITH CO-WORKERS:"
I've been accused of sexual harassment.
"THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND CONSIDERATION:"
Wait! Don't throw me away!
"I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU SOON:"
Like, I'm gonna hold my breath waiting for your stupid form letter thanking me for my interest and wishing me luck in my future career.
"I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL SITUATIONS:"
I'm usually on Prozac. When I'm not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.
"I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON MY STRONG COMMUNICATION & ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS:"
I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do.
"I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:"
I've used Microsoft Office.
"I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE:"
I pilfer office supplies.
"MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:"
I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.
"I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:"
I blame others for my mistakes.
"I'M BALANCED AND CENTERED:"
I'll keep crystals at my desk and do Tai Chi in the lunch room.
"I HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR:"
I know a lot of corny, old jokes and I tell them badly.
"I'M PERSONABLE:"
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.
"I'M WILLING TO RELOCATE:"
As I leave San Quentin, anywhere's better.
"I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:"
I carry a Day-Timer.
"MY BACKGROUND AND SKILLS MATCH YOUR REQUIREMENTS:"
You're probably looking for someone more experienced.
"I AM ADAPTABLE:"
I've changed jobs a lot.
"I AM ON THE GO:"
I'm never at my desk.
"I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED:"
The minute I find a better job. I'm outta there.
"I HAVE FORMAL TRAINING:"
I'm a college drop-out.
"I INTERACT WELL WITH CO-WORKERS:"
I've been accused of sexual harassment.
"THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND CONSIDERATION:"
Wait! Don't throw me away!
"I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU SOON:"
Like, I'm gonna hold my breath waiting for your stupid form letter thanking me for my interest and wishing me luck in my future career.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Agriculture Rep:
A cocky Department of Agriculture representative stopped at a farm and talked to the old farmer;
"I need to inspect your farm."
The old farmer said: "OK, but you better not go in that field."
In a wise-arse tone the Ag. Representative said, "I have the authority of the U. S. Government with me. See this card..?"
He stuck a plastic-coated card in the farmer's face.
"This card says I can go wherever I want to on an agricultural land."
The old farmer shrugged and went about his farm chores. Later, he heard loud screams and saw the Department of Agriculture rep running for the fence.
Close behind was the farmer's prize bull, Geronimo.
Geronimo was madder than a nest full of hornets and he was gaining on the Ag Rep with every angry snort.
The farmer shouted, "Show him your card !"
Posted by - Deepthi B.
A cocky Department of Agriculture representative stopped at a farm and talked to the old farmer;
"I need to inspect your farm."
The old farmer said: "OK, but you better not go in that field."
In a wise-arse tone the Ag. Representative said, "I have the authority of the U. S. Government with me. See this card..?"
He stuck a plastic-coated card in the farmer's face.
"This card says I can go wherever I want to on an agricultural land."
The old farmer shrugged and went about his farm chores. Later, he heard loud screams and saw the Department of Agriculture rep running for the fence.
Close behind was the farmer's prize bull, Geronimo.
Geronimo was madder than a nest full of hornets and he was gaining on the Ag Rep with every angry snort.
The farmer shouted, "Show him your card !"
Posted by - Deepthi B.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Directions To My House:
A young lady is giving directions to her new boyfriend to get to her apartment.
She says: ''You come to the front door of the apartment complex where I live and look for apartment 14A, and with your elbow push button 14A. Come inside and you'll find the elevator on the right. With your elbow hit 14. When you get out of the elevator you'll find my apartment on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell and I'll open the door for you''
The boyfriend says: ''Dear, that sounds very easy to find, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?''
"Oh my God!! You're not coming empty-handed, are you?''
Posted by - Amit S
A young lady is giving directions to her new boyfriend to get to her apartment.
She says: ''You come to the front door of the apartment complex where I live and look for apartment 14A, and with your elbow push button 14A. Come inside and you'll find the elevator on the right. With your elbow hit 14. When you get out of the elevator you'll find my apartment on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell and I'll open the door for you''
The boyfriend says: ''Dear, that sounds very easy to find, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?''
"Oh my God!! You're not coming empty-handed, are you?''
Posted by - Amit S
Sunday, September 09, 2007
I Am A Light Bulb:
"I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave.
I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises.
My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing?
I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What are you doing?"
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days".
I jumped down and walked out of the office.
When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her,
"...And where do you think you're going?"
She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"
Posted by - Amit S
"I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave.
I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises.
My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing?
I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What are you doing?"
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days".
I jumped down and walked out of the office.
When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her,
"...And where do you think you're going?"
She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"
Posted by - Amit S
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Celebs - As Funny As They Can Get III:
"New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move."
Jon Stewart
"Mario Andretti has retired from race car driving. That's a good thing. He's getting old. He ran his entire last race with his left blinker on."
George Burns
"Sincerity is everything. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made."
Groucho Marx
"I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for member."
Steven Wright
"I was coming back from Canada, driving through Customs, and the guy asked "Do you have any firearms with you?"
I said: "What do you need?""
Rodney Dangerfield
"I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy " I tell him I want a second opinion.He says, ‘Okay, you're ugly too!""
Brian Kiley
"My grandfather is hard of hearing. He needs to read lips. I don’t mind him reading lips, but he uses one of those yellow highlighters."
Laura Kightlinger
"I can’t think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they’re dead."
Paul Rodriguez
"My father heard the story of the Menendez brothers. He quit playing the lottery. He said ‘Screw it, I’ve got twelve kids. Any one of them could snap.""
Ronnie Shakes
"After 12 years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes..
He said, "No hablo ingles.""
Bill Maher
"I believe Dr. Kevorkian is onto something. I think he’s great. Because suicide is our way of saying to God, "You can’t fire me. I quit.""
And the Best of All...
Paula Poundstone
"The guy who shot Robert Kennedy, Sirhan Sirhan, goes up for parole every year. Once he even told the parole board that if Kennedy was alive today, he would speak in his favor and say let him go. What a tough break, you know? The one guy who would have supported him, and he shot him."
David Letterman
"New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move."Jon Stewart
"Mario Andretti has retired from race car driving. That's a good thing. He's getting old. He ran his entire last race with his left blinker on."George Burns
"Sincerity is everything. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made."Groucho Marx
"I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for member."Steven Wright
"I was coming back from Canada, driving through Customs, and the guy asked "Do you have any firearms with you?"I said: "What do you need?""
Rodney Dangerfield
"I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy " I tell him I want a second opinion.He says, ‘Okay, you're ugly too!""Brian Kiley
"My grandfather is hard of hearing. He needs to read lips. I don’t mind him reading lips, but he uses one of those yellow highlighters."Laura Kightlinger
"I can’t think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they’re dead."Paul Rodriguez
"My father heard the story of the Menendez brothers. He quit playing the lottery. He said ‘Screw it, I’ve got twelve kids. Any one of them could snap.""Ronnie Shakes
"After 12 years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes..
He said, "No hablo ingles.""
Bill Maher
"I believe Dr. Kevorkian is onto something. I think he’s great. Because suicide is our way of saying to God, "You can’t fire me. I quit.""And the Best of All...
Paula Poundstone
"The guy who shot Robert Kennedy, Sirhan Sirhan, goes up for parole every year. Once he even told the parole board that if Kennedy was alive today, he would speak in his favor and say let him go. What a tough break, you know? The one guy who would have supported him, and he shot him."
Wanna Hear A Blonde Joke:
A blind guy feels his way into a bar unaware that it is a lesbian bar. He sits on a stall and orders his beer, and then says, "Anybody want to hear a good blonde joke?"
The barmaid replied, "You are obviously blind so you better know, I'm blonde six foot three and I'm a judo champion, the bouncer is a blonde too, she is six foot three and 280lbs, and is a karate champion, sitting directly behind you are three of the biggest and toughest women wrestlers you could find, and they are all blondes to. Do you still want to tell your blonde joke?"
After a moment's silence the blind man replied, "No, not if I have got to explain it five times!"
A blind guy feels his way into a bar unaware that it is a lesbian bar. He sits on a stall and orders his beer, and then says, "Anybody want to hear a good blonde joke?"
The barmaid replied, "You are obviously blind so you better know, I'm blonde six foot three and I'm a judo champion, the bouncer is a blonde too, she is six foot three and 280lbs, and is a karate champion, sitting directly behind you are three of the biggest and toughest women wrestlers you could find, and they are all blondes to. Do you still want to tell your blonde joke?"
After a moment's silence the blind man replied, "No, not if I have got to explain it five times!"
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Not That Old:
"I'm not THAT old...."
Everyone has been guilty of looking at others our own age and thinking...surely I cannot look that old...
While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was too old to have been my classmate. After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school.
"Yes," he replied.
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
He answered, "In 1960."
Why, you were in my class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely and then asked, "What did you teach?"
"I'm not THAT old...."
Everyone has been guilty of looking at others our own age and thinking...surely I cannot look that old...
While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was too old to have been my classmate. After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school.
"Yes," he replied.
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
He answered, "In 1960."
Why, you were in my class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely and then asked, "What did you teach?"
Wear 'Em For Me:
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.
During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:
"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove".
These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really good.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.
All my love
P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.
During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:
"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove".
These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really good.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.
All my love
P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Through The Power Of The Mind:
Two KGB agents are taking a walk in a Moscow suburb.
One says to the other, "You know Pavel, I have had training to make anyone, and I mean anyone talk through the power of the mind"
"Really? Prove it", replies Pavel.
Dimitri pointed to a long queue of people outside a Bakers shop.
"See that queue. I can make the owner come out and tell them that he has sold out. Watch!".
Dimitri closed his eyes and concentrated on the shop. Sure enough after one minute the owner popped out and announced that he had completely sold out. The queue dispersed, but the people complained loudly that there was clearly plenty of bread for sale.
Both agents walked on.
"Hmm, impressive but I am still not convinced", said Pavel.
The two continued until they reached a miserable part of the city.
"See that apartment block?", Said Dimitri. "Well, just watch, I can make the owner of that one on the fifth floor throw out his TV"
"Go ahead", said Pavel.
So Dimitri closed his eyes concentrated on the apartment. After two minutes nothing had happened.
"Ha! What rubbish", said Pavel.
Dimitri raised his hands skywards as if to invoke a deity. Five more minutes passed.
"Oh come on lets go. This just proves it's all rubbish", insisted Pavel.
"One last try", said Dimitri, and he screwed up his face and concentrated with all his might.
After two minutes a man ran to the fifth floor balcony screaming,
"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? I DON'T HAVE A TV!!!".
Two KGB agents are taking a walk in a Moscow suburb.
One says to the other, "You know Pavel, I have had training to make anyone, and I mean anyone talk through the power of the mind"
"Really? Prove it", replies Pavel.
Dimitri pointed to a long queue of people outside a Bakers shop.
"See that queue. I can make the owner come out and tell them that he has sold out. Watch!".
Dimitri closed his eyes and concentrated on the shop. Sure enough after one minute the owner popped out and announced that he had completely sold out. The queue dispersed, but the people complained loudly that there was clearly plenty of bread for sale.
Both agents walked on.
"Hmm, impressive but I am still not convinced", said Pavel.
The two continued until they reached a miserable part of the city.
"See that apartment block?", Said Dimitri. "Well, just watch, I can make the owner of that one on the fifth floor throw out his TV"
"Go ahead", said Pavel.
So Dimitri closed his eyes concentrated on the apartment. After two minutes nothing had happened.
"Ha! What rubbish", said Pavel.
Dimitri raised his hands skywards as if to invoke a deity. Five more minutes passed.
"Oh come on lets go. This just proves it's all rubbish", insisted Pavel.
"One last try", said Dimitri, and he screwed up his face and concentrated with all his might.
After two minutes a man ran to the fifth floor balcony screaming,
"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? I DON'T HAVE A TV!!!".
Innocent Beer Bottle:
A guy, sitting outside his home about to be evicted from his house, was contemplating how the future would be after he had divorced his wife, lost his children and lost his job. He notices a crate of beer bottles and walks up to it.
He takes out an empty bottle, smashing it into the concrete wall swearing, "You are the reason I don't have a wife", second bottle, "You are the reason I don't have my children", third bottle "You are the reason I lost my job".
He notices the fourth bottle is sealed and still full of beer. He takes the bottle, puts it aside and says
"Stand aside my dear friend; I know you were not involved".
Posted by - Amit Singh
A guy, sitting outside his home about to be evicted from his house, was contemplating how the future would be after he had divorced his wife, lost his children and lost his job. He notices a crate of beer bottles and walks up to it.He takes out an empty bottle, smashing it into the concrete wall swearing, "You are the reason I don't have a wife", second bottle, "You are the reason I don't have my children", third bottle "You are the reason I lost my job".
He notices the fourth bottle is sealed and still full of beer. He takes the bottle, puts it aside and says
"Stand aside my dear friend; I know you were not involved".
Posted by - Amit Singh
Monday, August 06, 2007
Logical And Legal:
After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization"
Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"
Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"
Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you to give me an "A" for the exam. "
Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"
Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"
Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.
Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.
He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."
Posted by - Cammy
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Looks Like Yours:
A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a 5-Iron golf clubs wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally, the Doctor asked him, "What happened to you?"
"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture.
We went to look for them while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end."
"I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's arse.
Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'"
"I don't remember much after that ..."
A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a 5-Iron golf clubs wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally, the Doctor asked him, "What happened to you?"
"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture.
We went to look for them while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end."
"I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's arse.
Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'"
"I don't remember much after that ..."
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