Best Women Drivers In The World Part II:

After years of research we have been able to compile the next installment of "Best Women Drivers". Check Part I Six Best Women Drivers in the World

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2.

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5.

And the Runner Up is

And the Award for Best Women Driver this year goes too...

Difference between Google.com and Google.co.in (Google India):

If you don’t believe., Try it out.!

Google.com Page

Google.co.in Page

Posted by - Vijay Raj

Shall We Go For A Drink?

This is what goes through the mind of a man and a woman when he asks her out for a drink :-) ...

World's Largest Windows Error Messages:

PSP:
Apparently, this giant-sized PSP runs Windows too. Now if only the portable version ran Windows Mobile...
"Sony and Microsoft are battling for dominance in the video game market, but neither company is looking good on the corner of Houston and Mott in Manhattan"

IKEA:
This IKEA billboard is claimed to be displaying the world's largest "Web Page Cannot Be Displayed" error message".

Times Square:
You'd think the computers powering the gigantic billboards in Times Square would be running something other than Windows.


Even Times Square can't avoid the dreaded Windows error messages. At least they didn't get the blue screen.

"...across the square, I saw it: the world's largest Windows error message - on a two-story high e-billboard (I guess everything really is bigger in New York)."

"TENJOOBERRYMUDS"...

*By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND "TENJOOBERRYMUDS"...and be ready for **China**.*

*In order to continue getting-by in **China**, we need to learn English the way it is spoken.......................*

*Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term "TENJOOBERRYMUDS". *

*With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in.*

*Now, here goes...*

*The following is a telephonic exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and call room-service today...... *

*Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."*

*Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."*

*Room Service: " **Rye** . Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"*

*Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."*

*Room Service: "Ow July den?"*

*Guest: ".....What??"*

*Room Service: "Ow July den?!?... Pryed, boyud, poochd?" *

*Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. Scrambled, please."*

*Room Service: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"*

*Guest: "Crisp will be fine."*

*Room Service: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?" *

*Guest: "What?"*

*Room Service: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"*

*Guest: "I.... Don't think so.."*

*RoomService: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???"*

*Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means." *

*RoomService: "Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"*

*Guest: "Oh, English muffin! !! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'... Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine." *

*RoomService: "We bodder?"*

*Guest: "No, just put the bodder on the side."*

*RoomService: "Wad?!?"*

*Guest: "I mean butter... Just put the butter on the side." *

*RoomService: "Copy?"*

*Guest: "Excuse me?"*

*RoomService: "Copy...tea..meel?"*

*Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... And that's everything."*

*RoomService: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy ... **Rye** ??" *

*Guest: "Whatever you say."*

*RoomService: "Tenjooberrymuds."*

*Guest: "You're welcome"*

*Remember I said "By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND 'TENJOOBERRYMUDS' "......and you do, don't you! *

Hear It Again:

A guy calls up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead. "I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.

The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. "I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."

The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"

"Coz," he replies chuckling, "I just love hearing it..."

Husband Store:

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . .. you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building !!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband on the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardlystand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please! Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Play Outside:

God Vs Project Manager:

We all know this one...

One day a man was having a conversation with God when his whole life flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult periods of his life there were only one set of footprints.

He asked God "You said you will be with me throughout this journey, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of my life??" to which God answered "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times in your life, I was carrying you in my hands”


Now get to know this one too!!!

Another day I was having a similar conversation with my Project Manager (PM) when my whole project flashed before my eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. I saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult times in the project there were only one set of footprints.

I asked my PM "You said you will be with me throughout the project, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of the project??" to which the PM answered "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times, I was sitting on your head!!"

Posted by - Shinjan

They Meant "Happy":

A bill-board I came across on my way to office... Really Hilarious !!!

Two Queues For Men:

Men and women on earth die and go to heaven.

God comes and says: -

"I want the men to form two queues, one line for the men who had control over their women, and the other one for the men who were controlled by their women. Also, I want all the women to go away so that no man and woman can talk."

Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are two lines.

The line for the men who were controlled by their women is 100 miles long, and in the line of men who had control over their women there is only one man.

God gets mad and says, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image, and you were all controlled by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him!"

"Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replies, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

NO JOBS IN AMERICA:


Jane Smith started the day early having set her alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6a.m. While her coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, she shaved her legs with her electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG).

She put on a blouse (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA). After cooking her breakfast in her new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA), she sat down with her calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much she could spend today.

After setting her watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA) she got in her car (MADE IN GERMANY) and continued her search for a good paying AMERICAN job. At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day, Jane decided to relax for a while. She put on her sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL) poured herself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE) and turned on her TV (MADE IN INDONESIA),

and then wondered why she can't find a good paying job in.....AMERICA

Dihydrogen Monoxide:

A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair on January 26.

In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide."

And for plenty of good reasons, since it can:

1. cause excessive sweating and vomiting
2. it is a major component in acid rain
3. it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
4. accidental inhalation can kill you
5. it contributes to erosion
6. it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
7. it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients

He asked 150 people if they supported a ban of the chemical.

One hundred forty-three said yes

Six were undecided

Only one knew that the chemical was...

Water!

The title of his prize winning project was, "How Gullible Are We?"

He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to the alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment.

"Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege."

Funny T Shirts:

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Answer To Get An Off:

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday.

On the first Friday, the teacher asks, "How many grains of sand are in the beach?" Needless to say, no one could answer..

The following Friday, the teacher asks the class, "How many stars are in the sky?" and again no one could answer..

Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend..

So Thursday night, Johnny takes two ping-pong balls and paints them black.

The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, "Here's this week's question,"

Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping-pong balls rolling to the front of the room.

Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing..

The teacher says, " Okay, who's the comedian with the black balls?"

Immediately, little Johnny stands up and says, "Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday!"

Hinglish - Only In India:

These are the actual ads posted on a popular indian matrimonial site by wannabe brides looking for grooms.

If only my english teacher could see this.... She'd surely kill herself.

1. Hello To Viewvers My Name is Sowmya , I am single i dont have male, If anyone whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalroe.. if u like me u welcome to my heart... when ever u whant to meet pls viset my resident or send u letter..
Thanks
yours Regards Sowmya

2. i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework
(Homework?)

3. Wants a man who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. he may never create any difficulties in my life or his life by which the entire life can run smoothly. thank you
(The principle of running life smoothly was never so easy!)

4. he should be good looking and should have a service. he Shoulsd have one brother and one sister. he should be educated.
(ain't it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister criteria !)

5. I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i. Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........hold my hand forever !!!
(Huh! Watchin a lotta movies I guess)

6. i am simple girl.I have lot ofproblemin mylife because ofmylucknow i amlooking oneboyhe caremeandloveme lot lot lot
(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)

7. My husband should be as 'Shiva' as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tanwerr as in KSBKBT......
(Ok I haven't seen these soaps but I am sure she must be demanding too much, ain't she)

8. i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast
(not wearing his jeans? )

9. HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY ,THEY ARE 1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.
(all of us are loughing{laughing})

10. whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone groom and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he would bde called the man of the lamp
(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants)

11. i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok
(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering from "Ok-syndrome")

12. HI IAM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE T.V AND NEWS OK I HAVE 1 CAR AND 1 BONWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD IS OK
(the "ok syndrome" again)

13. iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and fater&mother sister complity marred
(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married 'completely'?)

14. iam very simpel and hanest. i have three sister one brother and parent. i am doing postal sarvice and tailor master my original resdence at kalahandi diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist.
(actually what is this girl doing? Postal service or tailor.??)

15. my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes
(height of desperation! J )

16. Iwant one boy who love me or my mother. he love me heartly or he havea frank he's skin colour 'normal'not a black or not a whitey. IThink the main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are beautiful. but iam not a handsome girl or not a good looking. but my Mom say that Iam a good girl. My father already expired . iam ''AEKLAUTA''. THE CHOICE IS YOUR.bye bye.

17. iam kanandevi. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.
(No comments)

18. I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOUR. I DON'T HAVE ANY HABIT.
(maybe the poor girl meant BAD habits)

19. hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily.i divorced my first husband.his charactor is not good'. i expect the good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted ...
(but credit cards not accepted..???)

20. my colour is black,but my heart is white.i like social service
(Zebra..???)

21. i'm looking out for who lives in bombay, boy simple who trust me lot should be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY.
(Now that criterion is a must, isn't it?)

22. to be married on jan-2005. working man perferable
(this girl has fixed the marriage date too! But she is yet to find a bridegroom. I wish her best of luck on behalf of all of us. I am sure she will get one soon.)

23. i would like a beautyfull boy. and i do not want his any treasure. because boy is the maharaja.
(Now he is going to be a lucky boy! Any takers?)

24. ssc failed three times and worked with privated ltd company which not paying salary at present.
(Any takers again?)

And Then The Fight Started:

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

*************************************************************************************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a weighing scale.

And then the fight started...

*************************************************************************************

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...

So, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started...

*************************************************************************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my wife kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked my wife, 'Do you know him?'

'Yes,' She sighed, 'He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' I said to my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

*************************************************************************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak(beef), medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Naaah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

*************************************************************************************

A Woman is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started..... .

*************************************************************************************

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Kingfisher for 500 rs. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for 300 rs.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream..

And then the fight started....

*************************************************************************************

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation."Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

*************************************************************************************

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed..

But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first:the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.

'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep the driveway.'

And then the fight started...

Posted by - Jo

Diary Of A Blonde Wife:

*Monday:*

Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine though.


*Tuesday:*

We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. But Tim happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. They both looked so startled when I served them, I think it was the salad.


*Wednesday:*

I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the day. I can't say it improved the rice anyhow.


*Thursday:*

Today Tim asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." I hunted all over the place for a garden and when I got one, I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there for over one hour so the dog would not take it. Tim came over and asked if I felt all right. I wonder why? He must be stressed at work, I'll try to be supportive.


*Friday:*

Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "put all
ingredients in a bowl and beat it." Beat it I did,to my mum's place.
There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I
came back home again, it looked the same as when I left it.


*Saturday:*

Tim went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found an old doll dress and it's little cute shoes. I thought the hen looked really cute. When Tim saw it, he started counting to ten. Either he was really stressed because of his work,or he wanted the chicken to dance. When I asked him what was wrong he started crying and shouting out "why me? why me?"

Hmmm....It must be his job.

Posted by - Prabir

Normal Vs Geek:

NORMAL PERSON : People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
GEEK : Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting perilous projectiles.


NORMAL PERSON : Twinkle, twinkle, little star
GEEK : Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim.


NORMAL PERSON : All that glitters is not gold.
GEEK : All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.


NORMAL PERSON : Beggars are not choosers
GEEK : Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.


NORMAL PERSON : Dead men tell no tales
GEEK : Male cadavers are incapable of rendering any testimony.


NORMAL PERSON : Beginner's luck
GEEK : Neophyte's serendipity.


NORMAL PERSON : A rolling stone gathers no moss
GEEK : A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of small, green, biophytic plant.

NORMAL PERSON : Birds of a feather flock together
GEEK : Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate.


NORMAL PERSON : Beauty is only skin deep
GEEK : Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.


NORMAL PERSON : Cleanliness is godliness
GEEK : Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.


NORMAL PERSON : There's no use crying over spilt milk
GEEK : It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lactile fluid.


NORMAL PERSON : You can't try to teach an old dog new tricks
GEEK : It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.


NORMAL PERSON : Look before you leap
GEEK : Surveillance should precede saltation.


NORMAL PERSON : He who laughs last, laughs best
GEEK : The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the optimal cachinnation.


NORMAL PERSON : All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
GEEK : Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without interludes of hedonistic diversion renders Jack a hebetudinous fellow.


NORMAL PERSON : Where there's smoke, there's fire!
GEEK : Where there are visible vapours having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.

Posted by: Jo

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Posted by - Nick

Cat Ridden:

A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there. The cat was already walking up the driveway when he approached his home.

The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away but the same thing happened. He kept increasing the number of blocks but the cat kept coming home before him.

At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a perfect spot and dropped the cat there.

An hour later...

The man calls his wife at home and asked her, "Jen is the cat there?"

"Yes, why do you ask?" answered the wife.

Frustrated the man said," Put that damn cat on the phone, I am lost and I need directions to reach home!!!

0 To 100 In 4 Seconds:

The wife was very unhappy with car and complained a lot to her husband:

Knowing her birthday was coming up shortly, she said to her husband,

'Buy me a surprise for my birthday!'

'Something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! And I would prefer a blue one!'

Happy and excited she was counting down the days to her birthday.

And on the day finally she got the beautiful present her husband thoughtfully bought....

Sri Lankan Cricketers Return To Their Country, ALIVE !!!

Indian News Papers reported the following headings in today’s News papers:

The Hindu: “Terrorists attack Sri Lankan Cricket team in Lahore”

Times of India: “Neighborhood Just Got Scarier”

Indian Express: “Terror Hits Lanka Team; Wounds Pakistan & Cricket”

Deccan Herald: “Six Sri Lankan Cricketers hurt in Lahore terror attack”

Their counter-parts across the border ran the following news articles on their front pages:

Pakistan Express: “Falling standards in Terrorists Training???”

Lahore 03 March 2009: In the worst ever performance by their home grown and trained terrorists, all the visiting Sri Lankan cricket team members left Pakistan shore alive. Govt officials expressed concerns about this as it would tarnish the image of Pakistan as a breeding ground of terrorism and their credibility to produce world class terrorists has taken a beating. Govt asked the PSU (Public Sector Units) terrorists groups to improve the training standards and urged the terrorists to take their training and careers seriously.

Prime Minister later during dinner with the participating terrorists chided them mildly that they cannot waste tax payers/US federal Aid money like this. He was particularly harsh on the terrorist who threw under the bus (carrying cricketers), the grenade which did not detonate. Prime Minister worried that this did not do any good to his plans of changing Pakistan's National game from Cricket (which anyway is having its natural death) to Hand Grenade Throwing. He felt that this was the best bet for Pakistan’s aspiration for an Olympic Gold Medal. He urged erstwhile Pakistan cricket bowlers – Shoaib Akhtar and others, who are famous for throwing instead of bowling, to take up coaching terrorists on grenade throwing as their cricket careers are finished now….


Pakistan Killer Times: “Chinese imports are no longer reliable??”

Lahore 03 March 2009: Pakistan Government ordered a high level delegation consisting of all ammunition experts under the leadership of A Q Khan (father of the Nuclear Plans), to study the unexploded grenade for the reasons why it did not perform it's expected duties. The hand grenade clearly had visible ‘Made in China’ logo on it, which embarrassed Chinese Government. Chinese Premier issued a public apology to Pakistan People for failing to live up to their expectations and vowed to strengthen their R&D and manufacturing facilities to re-instill the confidence in consumers.

Pakistani Prime Minister in a later press release mentioned that he would re-consider renewing Chinese contract for annual supply of ammunition, which is due for renewal in April. Unless China proves that they have taken stringent measures to ensure that the reliability of their ammunition is certified by their government, Pakistan would consider approaching other sources for their annual staple supply of ammunition…


Dawn: “Visiting Sri Lankan cricketers return to their country, Alive”

Lahore 03 March 2009: There was all round disappointment reported across Pakistan that all the members of the visiting Sri Lankan cricket team returned alive, denting the image of Pakistan as most the happening country in the world (for wrong reasons). People staged protests on streets and demanded government for the “falling return on Investment of ammunition.” They are also worried that this would set a bad precedence and foreigners may choose to visit Pakistan without any fears.

The betting racket reportedly lost a billion Pakistani Rupees as everyone expected all the visiting team members to be killed. This also had tax collection implications for government.

Government later issued a public apology to people and assured them that they would take sufficient measures to ensure that they are accountable for every Pakistani rupee being spent on training terrorists. They also urged more youngsters to take to guns as this would make the career as terrorists much more competitive and Pakistan can continue producing abundant supply of world class terrorists.

When the initial news of attack was shown live on their national news channels, all the people came to street and started bursting crackers. Their joy was short lived when the attack stopped in 25 minutes and they took the crackers back to their homes so that they can use it for next opportunity, which anyway should not be too far away.

Some of those Pakistanis who still have a job and left for offices in the morning and hence missed the ‘Live action’ on TVs, rued their luck for having to work while majority of their brethren enjoy these live actions on TV idling at homes. The working class in Pakistan demanded that henceforth they be informed before hand about terrorists attacks so that they can stay back home and enjoy the live action on TV. Government assured them that they will publish “Annual Terrorism Calendar” and align their public holidays with this calendar.

All in all there was mixed opinions on the futile terrorist attack as it did not give them the required mileage in international community.

Posted by - Bhanu Prasad Narayana

The Last Evacuation Drill:

A fire alarm rang at 4 PM when almost all shift employees were in office (approx 5000). As usual entire office was evacuated within 3 mins & every employee gathered outside the office.

10 minutes passed...5 more minutes passed.

Security Officer started the Announcement:

"Dear Employees - With melting heart I am making this announcement that for many of you it will be a last evacuation drill. Due to the recession we are laying off almost 50% of employees. While moving in if your ID card does not work, then you are among those laid off & all your belongings will be couriered to you tomorrow.

We followed this approach as we didn't want to fill email box size with layoff mails and good bye mails in thousands & also to avoid any fight inside office.

Hope you have a nice career ahead. Please move in & try your luck!!!"

Mass Murderers:

God will never forgive these idiots for the sin they have committed!!!

Mass Murders of Innocent Spirits...

Weak Hearted Beware!!!

This is too horrendous a crime to watch...

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Right Words At The Right Time:

A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.

"Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping. Love You!"

Totally shocked with the note , he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.

He asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door".

Confused, the man asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!"

His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said,

"LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED!"

@ The Costume Party:

A couple was invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.

So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided go to the party.

As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could .....

His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her.

She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.

After more drinks finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate love in the back seat.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."

Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening"

"You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm.

To which the husband replied,

"Actually, I gave my costume to my Boss; apparently he had the time of his life."