Sri Lankan Cricketers Return To Their Country, ALIVE !!!
Indian News Papers reported the following headings in today’s News papers:
The Hindu: “Terrorists attack Sri Lankan Cricket team in Lahore”
Times of India: “Neighborhood Just Got Scarier”
Indian Express: “Terror Hits Lanka Team; Wounds Pakistan & Cricket”
Deccan Herald: “Six Sri Lankan Cricketers hurt in Lahore terror attack”
Their counter-parts across the border ran the following news articles on their front pages:
Pakistan Express: “Falling standards in Terrorists Training???”
Lahore 03 March 2009: In the worst ever performance by their home grown and trained terrorists, all the visiting Sri Lankan cricket team members left Pakistan shore alive. Govt officials expressed concerns about this as it would tarnish the image of Pakistan as a breeding ground of terrorism and their credibility to produce world class terrorists has taken a beating. Govt asked the PSU (Public Sector Units) terrorists groups to improve the training standards and urged the terrorists to take their training and careers seriously.
Prime Minister later during dinner with the participating terrorists chided them mildly that they cannot waste tax payers/US federal Aid money like this. He was particularly harsh on the terrorist who threw under the bus (carrying cricketers), the grenade which did not detonate. Prime Minister worried that this did not do any good to his plans of changing Pakistan's National game from Cricket (which anyway is having its natural death) to Hand Grenade Throwing. He felt that this was the best bet for Pakistan’s aspiration for an Olympic Gold Medal. He urged erstwhile Pakistan cricket bowlers – Shoaib Akhtar and others, who are famous for throwing instead of bowling, to take up coaching terrorists on grenade throwing as their cricket careers are finished now….
Pakistan Killer Times: “Chinese imports are no longer reliable??”
Lahore 03 March 2009: Pakistan Government ordered a high level delegation consisting of all ammunition experts under the leadership of A Q Khan (father of the Nuclear Plans), to study the unexploded grenade for the reasons why it did not perform it's expected duties. The hand grenade clearly had visible ‘Made in China’ logo on it, which embarrassed Chinese Government. Chinese Premier issued a public apology to Pakistan People for failing to live up to their expectations and vowed to strengthen their R&D and manufacturing facilities to re-instill the confidence in consumers.
Pakistani Prime Minister in a later press release mentioned that he would re-consider renewing Chinese contract for annual supply of ammunition, which is due for renewal in April. Unless China proves that they have taken stringent measures to ensure that the reliability of their ammunition is certified by their government, Pakistan would consider approaching other sources for their annual staple supply of ammunition…
Dawn: “Visiting Sri Lankan cricketers return to their country, Alive”
Lahore 03 March 2009: There was all round disappointment reported across Pakistan that all the members of the visiting Sri Lankan cricket team returned alive, denting the image of Pakistan as most the happening country in the world (for wrong reasons). People staged protests on streets and demanded government for the “falling return on Investment of ammunition.” They are also worried that this would set a bad precedence and foreigners may choose to visit Pakistan without any fears.
The betting racket reportedly lost a billion Pakistani Rupees as everyone expected all the visiting team members to be killed. This also had tax collection implications for government.
Government later issued a public apology to people and assured them that they would take sufficient measures to ensure that they are accountable for every Pakistani rupee being spent on training terrorists. They also urged more youngsters to take to guns as this would make the career as terrorists much more competitive and Pakistan can continue producing abundant supply of world class terrorists.
When the initial news of attack was shown live on their national news channels, all the people came to street and started bursting crackers. Their joy was short lived when the attack stopped in 25 minutes and they took the crackers back to their homes so that they can use it for next opportunity, which anyway should not be too far away.
Some of those Pakistanis who still have a job and left for offices in the morning and hence missed the ‘Live action’ on TVs, rued their luck for having to work while majority of their brethren enjoy these live actions on TV idling at homes. The working class in Pakistan demanded that henceforth they be informed before hand about terrorists attacks so that they can stay back home and enjoy the live action on TV. Government assured them that they will publish “Annual Terrorism Calendar” and align their public holidays with this calendar.
All in all there was mixed opinions on the futile terrorist attack as it did not give them the required mileage in international community.
Posted by - Bhanu Prasad Narayana
