NO JOBS IN AMERICA:
Jane Smith started the day early having set her alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6a.m. While her coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, she shaved her legs with her electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG).
She put on a blouse (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA). After cooking her breakfast in her new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA), she sat down with her calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much she could spend today.
After setting her watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA) she got in her car (MADE IN GERMANY) and continued her search for a good paying AMERICAN job. At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day, Jane decided to relax for a while. She put on her sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL) poured herself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE) and turned on her TV (MADE IN INDONESIA),
and then wondered why she can't find a good paying job in.....AMERICA
Friday, August 21, 2009
Dihydrogen Monoxide:
A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair on January 26.
In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide."
And for plenty of good reasons, since it can:
1. cause excessive sweating and vomiting
2. it is a major component in acid rain
3. it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
4. accidental inhalation can kill you
5. it contributes to erosion
6. it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
7. it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients
He asked 150 people if they supported a ban of the chemical.
One hundred forty-three said yes
Six were undecided
Only one knew that the chemical was...
Water!
The title of his prize winning project was, "How Gullible Are We?"
He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to the alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment.
"Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege."
A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair on January 26.
In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide."
And for plenty of good reasons, since it can:
1. cause excessive sweating and vomiting
2. it is a major component in acid rain
3. it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
4. accidental inhalation can kill you
5. it contributes to erosion
6. it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
7. it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients
He asked 150 people if they supported a ban of the chemical.
One hundred forty-three said yes
Six were undecided
Only one knew that the chemical was...
Water!
The title of his prize winning project was, "How Gullible Are We?"
He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to the alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment.
"Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege."
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Answer To Get An Off:
One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday.
On the first Friday, the teacher asks, "How many grains of sand are in the beach?" Needless to say, no one could answer..
The following Friday, the teacher asks the class, "How many stars are in the sky?" and again no one could answer..
Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend..
So Thursday night, Johnny takes two ping-pong balls and paints them black.
The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, "Here's this week's question,"
Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping-pong balls rolling to the front of the room.
Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing..
The teacher says, " Okay, who's the comedian with the black balls?"
Immediately, little Johnny stands up and says, "Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday!"
One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday.
On the first Friday, the teacher asks, "How many grains of sand are in the beach?" Needless to say, no one could answer..
The following Friday, the teacher asks the class, "How many stars are in the sky?" and again no one could answer..
Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend..
So Thursday night, Johnny takes two ping-pong balls and paints them black.
The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, "Here's this week's question,"
Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping-pong balls rolling to the front of the room.
Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing..
The teacher says, " Okay, who's the comedian with the black balls?"
Immediately, little Johnny stands up and says, "Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday!"
Hinglish - Only In India:
These are the actual ads posted on a popular indian matrimonial site by wannabe brides looking for grooms.
If only my english teacher could see this.... She'd surely kill herself.
1. Hello To Viewvers My Name is Sowmya , I am single i dont have male, If anyone whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalroe.. if u like me u welcome to my heart... when ever u whant to meet pls viset my resident or send u letter..
Thanks
yours Regards Sowmya
2. i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework
(Homework?)
3. Wants a man who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. he may never create any difficulties in my life or his life by which the entire life can run smoothly. thank you
(The principle of running life smoothly was never so easy!)
4. he should be good looking and should have a service. he Shoulsd have one brother and one sister. he should be educated.
(ain't it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister criteria !)
5. I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i. Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........hold my hand forever !!!
(Huh! Watchin a lotta movies I guess)
6. i am simple girl.I have lot ofproblemin mylife because ofmylucknow i amlooking oneboyhe caremeandloveme lot lot lot
(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)
7. My husband should be as 'Shiva' as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tanwerr as in KSBKBT......
(Ok I haven't seen these soaps but I am sure she must be demanding too much, ain't she)
8. i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast
(not wearing his jeans? )
9. HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY ,THEY ARE 1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.
(all of us are loughing{laughing})
10. whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone groom and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he would bde called the man of the lamp
(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants)
11. i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok
(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering from "Ok-syndrome")
12. HI IAM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE T.V AND NEWS OK I HAVE 1 CAR AND 1 BONWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD IS OK
(the "ok syndrome" again)
13. iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and fater&mother sister complity marred
(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married 'completely'?)
14. iam very simpel and hanest. i have three sister one brother and parent. i am doing postal sarvice and tailor master my original resdence at kalahandi diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist.
(actually what is this girl doing? Postal service or tailor.??)
15. my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes
(height of desperation! J )
16. Iwant one boy who love me or my mother. he love me heartly or he havea frank he's skin colour 'normal'not a black or not a whitey. IThink the main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are beautiful. but iam not a handsome girl or not a good looking. but my Mom say that Iam a good girl. My father already expired . iam ''AEKLAUTA''. THE CHOICE IS YOUR.bye bye.
17. iam kanandevi. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.
(No comments)
18. I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOUR. I DON'T HAVE ANY HABIT.
(maybe the poor girl meant BAD habits)
19. hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily.i divorced my first husband.his charactor is not good'. i expect the good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted ...
(but credit cards not accepted..???)
20. my colour is black,but my heart is white.i like social service
(Zebra..???)
21. i'm looking out for who lives in bombay, boy simple who trust me lot should be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY.
(Now that criterion is a must, isn't it?)
22. to be married on jan-2005. working man perferable
(this girl has fixed the marriage date too! But she is yet to find a bridegroom. I wish her best of luck on behalf of all of us. I am sure she will get one soon.)
23. i would like a beautyfull boy. and i do not want his any treasure. because boy is the maharaja.
(Now he is going to be a lucky boy! Any takers?)
24. ssc failed three times and worked with privated ltd company which not paying salary at present.
(Any takers again?)
These are the actual ads posted on a popular indian matrimonial site by wannabe brides looking for grooms.
If only my english teacher could see this.... She'd surely kill herself.
1. Hello To Viewvers My Name is Sowmya , I am single i dont have male, If anyone whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalroe.. if u like me u welcome to my heart... when ever u whant to meet pls viset my resident or send u letter..
Thanks
yours Regards Sowmya
2. i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework
(Homework?)
3. Wants a man who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. he may never create any difficulties in my life or his life by which the entire life can run smoothly. thank you
(The principle of running life smoothly was never so easy!)
4. he should be good looking and should have a service. he Shoulsd have one brother and one sister. he should be educated.
(ain't it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister criteria !)
5. I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i. Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........hold my hand forever !!!
(Huh! Watchin a lotta movies I guess)
6. i am simple girl.I have lot ofproblemin mylife because ofmylucknow i amlooking oneboyhe caremeandloveme lot lot lot
(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)
7. My husband should be as 'Shiva' as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tanwerr as in KSBKBT......
(Ok I haven't seen these soaps but I am sure she must be demanding too much, ain't she)
8. i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast
(not wearing his jeans? )
9. HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY ,THEY ARE 1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.
(all of us are loughing{laughing})
10. whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone groom and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he would bde called the man of the lamp
(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants)
11. i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok
(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering from "Ok-syndrome")
12. HI IAM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE T.V AND NEWS OK I HAVE 1 CAR AND 1 BONWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD IS OK
(the "ok syndrome" again)
13. iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and fater&mother sister complity marred
(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married 'completely'?)
14. iam very simpel and hanest. i have three sister one brother and parent. i am doing postal sarvice and tailor master my original resdence at kalahandi diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist.
(actually what is this girl doing? Postal service or tailor.??)
15. my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes
(height of desperation! J )
16. Iwant one boy who love me or my mother. he love me heartly or he havea frank he's skin colour 'normal'not a black or not a whitey. IThink the main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are beautiful. but iam not a handsome girl or not a good looking. but my Mom say that Iam a good girl. My father already expired . iam ''AEKLAUTA''. THE CHOICE IS YOUR.bye bye.
17. iam kanandevi. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.
(No comments)
18. I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOUR. I DON'T HAVE ANY HABIT.
(maybe the poor girl meant BAD habits)
19. hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily.i divorced my first husband.his charactor is not good'. i expect the good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted ...
(but credit cards not accepted..???)
20. my colour is black,but my heart is white.i like social service
(Zebra..???)
21. i'm looking out for who lives in bombay, boy simple who trust me lot should be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY.
(Now that criterion is a must, isn't it?)
22. to be married on jan-2005. working man perferable
(this girl has fixed the marriage date too! But she is yet to find a bridegroom. I wish her best of luck on behalf of all of us. I am sure she will get one soon.)
23. i would like a beautyfull boy. and i do not want his any treasure. because boy is the maharaja.
(Now he is going to be a lucky boy! Any takers?)
24. ssc failed three times and worked with privated ltd company which not paying salary at present.
(Any takers again?)
And Then The Fight Started:
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
*************************************************************************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a weighing scale.
And then the fight started...
*************************************************************************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...
So, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...
*************************************************************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my wife kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked my wife, 'Do you know him?'
'Yes,' She sighed, 'He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' I said to my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
*************************************************************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak(beef), medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Naaah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
*************************************************************************************
A Woman is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started..... .
*************************************************************************************
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Kingfisher for 500 rs. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for 300 rs.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream..
And then the fight started....
*************************************************************************************
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation."Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....
*************************************************************************************
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed..
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first:the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep the driveway.'
And then the fight started...
Posted by - Jo
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