That's My Son Alright:

Four School friends meet at their School Reunion. One of the friends goes to the restroom and the others start to talk about their sons…

The first Guy Says," You know my son? I’m so proud of him ’cause he is so successful. He became so rich that he gave one of his best friends a 2-million dollar Mansion for free!"

The second guy says," Really? My son’s made me proud too. He’s become so rich from acting and gave his closest friend 2 free Hummer H2’s."

The third guy pitches in," Even my son got rich. He won the 8 million-dollar Lotto and he bought his friend a private yacht and jet."

The fourth high school guy comes back from the restroom and overhears them talking about their sons. So he began to tell them about his son.

Feeling a little ashamed he says," Yeah, well, my son hasn’t been as successful like your sons have. He’s gay and works at a gay stripping joint for a living."

Others Add," What a shame."

The Fourth Guy continues," No, not really. He lives in a 2-million dollar mansion, owns his own jet and yacht, and owns 2 Hummer H2’s which were all given to him by 3 of his Ex-boyfriends."

Going to Jesus:

Young David came home from school one day and found his pet chicken laying on the ground with his legs pointing straight up into the sky. When his father got home, he explained that the chicken has died and his legs were pointed up to Jesus in heaven.

They buried the chicken and that was that. Two weeks later his dad came home from work and David ran up to him yelling, “Daddy, Daddy, we nearly lost Mommy today.”

“What?” his father replied.

“When I got home from school, Mommy was laying on the bed with her legs pointing up in the air yelling, ‘Jesus, I’m coming, Jesus I’m coming.’ If it wasn’t for Uncle Terry holding her down we would have lost her for sure!”

Three English Men:

Three English men were in a bar and spotted an Irish man. One guy said he was going to bug him. He walked over to the Irish man and tapped him on the shoulder. ‘Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a sissy.’

‘Oh really, hmm, didn’t know that.’

Puzzled, the English man walked back to his buddies. ‘I told him St. Patrick was a sissy and he didn’t care!’

‘You just don’t know how to set him off, watch and learn.’ The second English man walked over and tapped the Irish man on the shoulder. ‘I hear your St. Patrick was a transvestite!’

‘Oh, wow, I didn’t know that, thank you.’

Shocked beyond belief, the English man went back to his buddies. ‘Your right, he is unshakable!’
The third English man said: ‘No, no, no, I will really big him, you just watch.’

The English man walked over to the Irish man, tapped him on the shoulder and said… ‘I hear your St. Patrick was an English man!’

‘Yeah, that’s what your buddies were trying to tell me.’

No Matter How Hard We Tried:



An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."



The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"


The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the jar open."

It Happens Only In India:

A Very Personal Friend:

During a good manners and etiquette class, the teacher asks her students,“ If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family, and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?”

Mike replies,“ Wait a minute; I’m going for a pee.”

The teacher says,“ That would be very rude and improper on your part.”

Charlie replies,“ I’m sorry I need to go to the toilet, I’ll be back in a minute.”

The teacher says,“ That’s much better but to mention the word ‘’toilet'’ during a meal, is unpleasant.”

Then Billy responds,“ My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom I hope, to be able to introduce to you after dinner”.

The teacher passed out.

Who Am I:

An award should go to the gate attendant at Luqa airport. A crowded Malta-London flight was cancelled. She was the lone attendant in charge of re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, “I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS”.

The attendant replied, “I’m sorry sir. I’ll be happy to try to help you, but I’ve got to help these people first, and I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out.”

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?”

Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone:

May I have your attention please? May I have your attention please?” she began. With her voice being heard clearly throughout the terminal, she said, “We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14.”

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the attendant, gritted his teeth and said, “F*** You!”

Without flinching, she smiled and said, “I’m sorry, sir, but you’ll have to get in line for that too.”

Coming Soon !!! At a Theatre Near You:

Releasing Worldwide on June 30th:


The much awaited sequel of Basic Instinct - "Momma didn't say a damn thing about this":


A heart-warming tale of a hobbit in search of his PRECIOUS:

From the Director of Panic Room with the makers of Finding Nemo:

Don't miss the action this weekend:

My Dog "Sex":

Everybody who has a dog calls him Rover or Boy, I call mine Sex. Now Sex has been embarrassing to me. When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too." Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was 9 years old!!" He said, "You must have been quite a kid".

When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for Sex. He said that every room in the place was for sex. I said, "You don't understand, Sex keeps me awake at night!" Then the clerk said, "Me too."

One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking around. I told him that I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand" I said, "I had planned to have Sex on T.V." He called me a show off.

When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married!!" The Judge said, "Me too". Then I told him that after I was married that Sex had left me. He said "Me too". Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 O'clock in the morning. I said looking for Sex.

My case comes up Monday...

CASE DISMISS:

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her third move, he burst out laughing.

She had him arrested. Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner.

His reply was:

When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement, which read:

'Coming Soon: 'The Gold Dust Twins'.

I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which read:

'William's Stick Did The Trick'.

Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read:

'Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.'

And the case was dismissed !!!

Gift To Mom:

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother."

The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks:

"Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"

"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"

Animal Crackers:

The Godfather:

The Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where's the three million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The accountant doesn't answer. The Godfather asks again, "Where's the three million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf-mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you."

The Godfather says, "Well, ask him where the @#!* money is."

The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the three million dollars is.

The accountant signs back, "I don't know what you're talking about."

The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He doesn't know what you're talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, "Ask him again where the @#!* money is!"

The attorney signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where it is!"

The accountant signs back, "Okay! Okay! The money's hidden in a suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!"

The Godfather says, "Well, what did he say?"

The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He says that you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."

He Knows You:

An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol.

"Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?" the officer said.

The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"

"He said you were speeding!" the old man yelled.

The patrolman then asked, "May I see your license?"

The woman turned to her husband again, "What did he say?"

The old man yelled back, "He wants to see your license!"

The woman then gave the officer her license.

"I see you are from Arkansas," the patrolman said. "I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest, meanest, woman I've ever seen."

The woman turned to her husband again and asked, "What did he say?"

The old man replied, "He said he knows you!"

Our Custom:

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender says to him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."

The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a lights dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "Everyone is fine. I've just quit drinking!"

And Your Name Is:

A blonde went for a job interview.

The interviewer starts with the basics, "So, can you tell us your age, please?"

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying, “Um ... 22".

The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice,”And can you tell us your height, please?"

The blonde stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag; then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head, checks the measurement and announces, "156 CM".

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something that she won't have to count, measure, or lookup, “Just to confirm for our records, your name please?"

The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about fifteen seconds murmuring something to herself, before replying, "Christina" .

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, "What were you doing when I asked you your name?"

"Oh, that!" replies the blonde," I was just running through that song, 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you...Happy Birthday dear Christina...happy birthday to you...'."

Caution "Overdose":

A woman went to a Doctor," My husband is never interested in sex".

Doctor," Take these pills, give him one a day".

After going back to home she puts one pill in her husband's tea and that night they had wonderful time together.

Next day, exicted about the last night, the woman adds two pills to her husband's tea and they enjoyed much more this time.

The following day she becomes a bit too experimental and pours the entire bottle of pills in his tea.

After a few days the doctor decides to call her up to check the progress, after some rings the woman's son picks up the phone.

Doctor asks,"Is your mom home, son".

Son Replies," Mom's dead, aunt is in hospital, maid's pregnant, my ass hurts and dad is running naked in the garden yelling... tommy...tommy !!!".