To Know I'm Drunk:

A man walks into a bar and orders a pint. The Barman hands him the pint, and when he finish drinking it he pulls something from his back-pocket, looks at it for a while, places it back in his pocket and orders another pint. After finishing his second pint the man again produces the same bit of paper from his pocket, looks at it, puts it back in his pocket and order another pint.

When the barman brings him his drink he asks the man, "What do you keep looking at after every drink?"

To which the man replies, "It's a picture of my wife. As soon as she starts to look good, I know I've had too much."